


King Kuei learns to swear

by deutschistklasse



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Attempt at Humor, Gen, Post-Canon, Swearing, Swearing Courtyard, not really - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-18
Updated: 2020-05-18
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:47:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24259129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deutschistklasse/pseuds/deutschistklasse
Summary: King Kuei enjoys the opportunities a Swearing Courtyard offers. His people love and support him through all.
Comments: 40
Kudos: 320





	King Kuei learns to swear

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MuffinLance](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MuffinLance/gifts).



> This monster can be blamed on MuffinLance's tumblr again. She mentions in her tags the term Swearing Courtyard and King Kuei being delighted with the idea. But can you imagine Kuei swearing like normal people? I can't. And it bugged me, how would he do it? So the fic is exactly what it says on the tin.  
> Don't search for real swearwords, I don't like and don't use them.

The common people in the palace were quite proud of their King Kuei. He was trying to understand more of their customs, he tried to show them, that they were welcome, but their poor, innocent King was doing it in a very unconventional way.

They blamed all of it on the new Fire Lord. That the Swearing Courtyard was the idea of the young Avatar? It must have been a lie. The Avatar was a baby, a truly guileless boy, surely he couldn’t be so devious.

The young Fire Lord on the other hand served three years in the navy, knew how to swear for two hours straight, and had every reason to corrupt their King. He must have thought, if he made King Kuei look bad, then he could be viewed in a better light. Fat chance of that. The palace people weren’t falling for it.

Every Saturday afternoon they gathered just outside the Swearing Courtyard to show their King their support. The Swearing Sessions were quite entertaining, their King was very creative in inventing new, unheard-of swearwords.

King Kuei was trying very hard to learn how to swear, the least they could do was to cheer him on.

\--------------------------

The King’s guards nearly had a major heart attack, when King Kuei asked them for the first time, if the armory had any knives in it. He sent them to fetch a dozen of knives for target practice in the Swearing Courtyard.

Once outside of the King’s throne-room, the guards on duty looked at each other, then reaching an unanimous decision, they headed for the kitchen.

It was quite curious, how the armory was devoid of any sharp weapons, or how the kitchen didn’t have any spare knives or forks. They were really sorry, but they returned instead with a dozen of spoons.

King Kuei didn’t question them, he just accepted the spoons, and proceeded to throw them at a large enough target that could be hit by an uncoordinated toddler. And missed it again and again.

Sometimes Bosco was the one practicing. The guards didn’t mention it, but the bear outclassed their King in it. They were glad, they thought of the spoons. This was hazardous enough for their King.

\---------------------------

King Kuei enjoyed his weekly Swearing Session very much. He was becoming better and better at it. At spoon-throwing too. Nowadays he managed to hit the target. Most of the time. Six times out of ten.

It was quite satisfying to just let everything out of his system. Avatar Aang and Fire Lord Zuko were right. A Swearing Courtyard was a _must have_ for every ruler. He practiced some more.

„You mewling cat-owl of a hog-monkey!” Thump. Clink. Cheer.

„The nerve of your kneecap!” Thump. Clink. Cheer.

„Why don’t you go to a desert island and get lost in a volcano?!” Thump. Clink. Cheer.

King Kuei didn’t know where the ringing cheers came from, but it was, how to put it, _cheering_ him up. He continued the Session with gusto.

„I resent you, you off-key whistling willow-leaf!” Thump. _Ouch!_ Cheer.

\----------------------------

The nobles were disgusted by the profanities their King spouted on his _therapeutic_ Swearing Sessions. But they kept an open ear for the more innovative phrases. And when they were too bored or appalled by their interlocutor, they found themselves thinking very hard _sleep forever,_ _you dirty bed-bug_ , while they smiled pleasantly at them.

\----------------------------

The kids in the palace were playing Swearing Courtyard. And sometimes they duelled with the spoons, but the swearing was a fixed part of their game.

„You unkempt, doddery rabbit-mouse! I will defeat you!” Clang. Then the thumping of rushing feet.

„You dill-bearded purple elefant-rhinoceros! I will show you!” Clang. The delighted laugh of the opponents.

They learned much from their King. The only time they weren’t allowed to listen in the Swearing Session was, when the Avatar and his friends visited. The children thought, that was quite unfair.

\------------------------------

The palace servants looked at their children with indulgence. They didn’t see King Kuei staring at them in bewilderment, then shake his head resignedly, turning to one of his guards.

„Kids these days! Where did they learn to swear so much?”

**Author's Note:**

> MuffinLance, you are a really bad influence on me. You have too much fic prompts. So, I definitely will be back for inspiration for even more weird ficlets.  
> Somebody help me!


End file.
